I want to know what it's like, to bring a dream to life.

Sorry this will be the last post about this . . . It's been very difficult to say the least. It sucks, it's lame, and it's still very painful. I am still going through all the emotions. . . I may be on the verge of checking into an insane asylum and making pasta necklaces for a time. You will all get one from me come christmas. :)

A big hug and thank you to all of my friends and family that have sent emails, comments, phone calls, cupcakes and notes, sweet text messages, and hugs. It means the world to me that you are standing by me during my time of need. It lets me know who I can rely on and call close. ( Also thank you for the birthday wishes. . . I was against celebrating my birth when I killed another birth, but thank you Vicky and Ryan for turning a horrible time into an enjoyable time. Timing just sucks sometimes)

An even bigger thank you to my Ryan who protected me, held me while I cried, paid a lot in time, tests, and money, and has stood by me. I can't even describe to you the pain and guilt I feel for not allowing this sweet man to be a father.

So anyway, I have a question on etiquette.

I must have missed this chapter from Emily Post about how to handle the timing of telling people you are pregnant. I am sorry to those of you who were bugged and irritated that I didn't personally tell you that we were pregnant. I am even more sorry that many of you had to find out that we miscarried through a blog, email, or through family members.

It's so confusing!! You don't tell people that you are pregnant for fear of miscarrying, yet when you miscarry you tell people. What was the point in keeping it quiet.

I am of the belief that I would rather tell people (if conversation swings that way) that I had miscarried after I have had time to manage my emotions better so I won't make them or me feel awkward or ask questions that I am not prepared to come to terms with.

And with the announcement of pregnancy I will tell only those that I am close with and the rest will find out once I am past my first trimester. I think most people do this. That way if there is a miscarriage than only your close friends and family will support you through it.

The timing of this one couldn't have been worse. My cousin was getting married and so all of my family was coming into town. Since I was in a lot of physical and emotional pain, seeing a lot of family right then and celebrating was beyond my capability. "Our" story was going to be that I was really sick with something contagious (this has been my fall back with a lot of people through the infertility treatments and testing). I am sorry that I appear to be a flake, being with friends and family is a priority to me. . .just not as much as bringing a possible child into the world. Baby trumps social aspects. . .that's just how it is. However, Ryan is tired of people thinking ill of me as I am as well. He decided that we tell them. That way they will understand if I am acting "different". . . oh, just come out and say it, that I am majorly depressed. However, we didn't have to tell everyone. Most of my family reads this blog. . .the ones who read it were able to clue in the ones who didn't read it and so on and so forth.

So if you have made it this far in the post you deserve a treat!!

I ask you my fellow friends. . . what do you do with announcing to people that you are pregnant? And if you have miscarried do you tell right then? I am very curious what other people think is the right thing to do. I have had enough of these that you would think I would have figured this out already. Oh well.